


Dear Tobirama

by dear_apollo



Category: Naruto
Genre: @MadaTobi authors are you alright, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Brother Hashirama, I Procrastinated from my Studies so Hard I Ended Up Writing Fanfiction, Lots of Suicide, M/M, Mathew if You are Reading This I am so Sorry, Slow Updates because of school and jjk sorry, Suicide, Tobirama Appreciation, Tobirama-centric, Trigger Warnings, Why is the Fandom so Angsty, please heed the warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25396210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dear_apollo/pseuds/dear_apollo
Summary: Madara discovers a forbidden jutsu that lets the target see multiple lifetimes at once. The jutsu hits Tobirama, because if anyone’s going to get hurt of course it’s going to be him – life is never easy for Tobirama, regardless of whatever universe he lives in.Or: Madara fucks up. His mistake haunts everyone, especially Senju Tobirama.
Relationships: One-sided Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara, Senju Hashirama & Senju Tobirama, Senju Tobirama & Konoha, Senju Tobirama & Senju Clan, Senju Tobirama & Uchiha Clan
Comments: 45
Kudos: 304





	Dear Tobirama

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy the angst ya evil bastards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tobirama sees the AU! verses of a lot of MadaTobi fics, and despairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no,,,

All it takes is one cruel act, one instance of violence, and suddenly things will never be the same again.

  
Because for all of Senju Tobirama’s genius, even he cannot anticipate this sudden, unexpected brutality.

  
He sees from the corner of his eyes Uchiha Madara go through a series of hand seals, and the white-haired man tenses, feeling uneasy at the intense, spiteful look in the clan head’s eyes. His first thought is to call out for his brother, for Hashirama, because in his eyes his Anija can do no wrong. Tobirama is reasonably sure he can handle whatever the Uchiha had planned for him – so long as his brother is there by his side.

  
The teen opens his mouth, his mind made up, but for once in his life Madara is faster.

  
The clan head is finally done with his hand signs, and when the jutsu hits him, his entire world shifts and Tobirama _breaks_. He feels a scream force its way out of his throat, loud and guttural at the intensity of the pain he is in right now. His head hurts, inconsolable under the heavy assault of previous – _different_ – memories from various versions of him, and his body has begun to quietly weep, because the things he sees –

  
(“You’re a fucking freak,” his father Butsuma spits out in disgust, his entire body tense with the overwhelming feeling of repulsion. “If you weren’t so useful I would have killed you a long time ago.”

  
In the background, the clan elders titter and shamelessly point at him with an amused smile on their faces.)

  
– the things he _hears_ –

  
(“Hey demon,” an Uchiha sneers, the dark features so characteristic of their clan twisted in a cruel, mocking smile. “Is it true that even your own clan can’t stand the sight of you?”

  
Some of the Senju are present behind him, stiff and painfully silent in their stance. They do not deny the accusations against him, nor do they offer words of comfort.)

  
– are so, so cruel, and Tobirama finds himself at a loss.

  
(Hashirama eyes him suspiciously, the same way a man would eye a particularly rabid dog. “Fuck, Tobi,” he finally says in the silence, as if Tobirama isn’t the only brother he has left, “if I could replace you with literally anyone, I would.”

  
Anija then opens an expensive bottle, filled to the brim with alcohol, and drinks directly from it. “Who wants an emotionless demon for a brother anyway?”)

  
Heartbreak seeps through his blood, encasing itself in the most secret part of his ribcage.

  
Because the thing is, Senju Tobirama loves his clan. He has given his everything for them, has shed and killed and cried for his great-aunt Ayano and cousin Touka. For his little brothers Itama and Kawarama.

  
For his first friend and big brother Hashirama.

  
He has sacrificed so much of himself to the point that there’s almost nothing left of him, safe with the knowledge of his Anija’s smiles and his uncle’s head pats and the clan children that have taken to following him around like a bunch of tiny ducklings skilled in ninjutsu.

  
But Madara’s jutsu has proven him wrong. It has shown him that sometimes love is not enough, that maybe Tobirama just wasn’t worth as much as the others. Why else would those versions of him lead such sad and unhappy lives? Why else would the one constant thing in all those universes be him suffering?

  
_I will grow old and die at age seventy-two creating jutsus and supporting peace and writing treaties_ , he thinks to himself, mind going numb with panic, _and still you will not love me._

  
A few minutes ago, Senju Tobirama is sixteen, still drunk on the idea that love – especially from family – could do anything.

  
Love doesn’t do shit.

  
As the realisation sinks in, the white-haired teenager quiets down, his screams having settled down into small sniffles. Vaguely, a few distance away, he hears Hashirama screeching for him, flattening down waves of enemy shinobi in his effort to see Tobirama.

  
“Tobirama!” His brother calls out, half-mad half-incoherent with worry. Not far from him is Touka, the ground trembling from her fury, followed by the majority of the Senju clan. “Tobirama, please! Are you okay?!”

  
Except he does not answer. The only thing that registers in his mind is the absurdly sharp sword by his side. He fingers the hilt, his cheeks wet with heartache, and thinks: _I am tired._

  
Hashirama is coming closer, evident by the screams accompanying the God of Shinobi. Most of the Uchiha who try and stop him are immediately ripped apart with the force of his brother’s mokuton. _“Get out of my way!”_ Anija roars at the opposing army, the plant-life around him going wild with the single-handed force of his rage. _“My baby brother needs me!”_

  
From the side lines, Uchiha Madara watches and thinks, _Hashirama will lose another sibling because of me._

  
Followed by the thought of: _it wasn’t supposed to be like this._

  
Madara sees the white-haired Senju grip his sword tight and, with steady hands, _push_. It would seem that Tobirama does not pick up his clansmen’s gasps, does not register Touka’s wordless screams nor does he hear the sound of Hashirama’s world breaking. Instead he stabs himself right through the heart, warm red seeping between his fingers and dying his white fur collar into a sickening shade of rust.

  
The battlefield is silent when he falls.

  
Finally, Hashirama is at his brother’s side. He scoops up Tobirama in his arms and attempts to heal the wound on his chest. He tries to think of every jutsu he knows, tries to force the body and the tissues to _mend, goddamnit please don’t take Tobira away from me why do good people suffer I love him so much._

  
Hasirama tries so, _so hard_ but it is not enough. Tobirama after all has murder on his hands and in his veins, and has killed countless people with unmatched precision – of course the genius will be thorough in orchestrating his own suicide.

  
People are slowly backing away from the Senju brothers, the ground surrounding them already cracking and growing dark with the smell of decay.

  
“I love you,” Hashirama says finally, in the silence. Tobirama does not respond, his blood still warm to the touch. Hashirama shakes him harder, a faint tremor on his arms.

  
“I love you,” he repeats louder this time. “I love you I love you I love you…”

  
But Tobirama does not wake. And not for the last time, Hashirama screams.

  
“I don’t know what Madara did to you to make you like this,” the dark-haired man cries, his cheeks blotchy and pink, “but Tobi, I thought you knew you are the smell and sight and prayer I come home to.”

  
He carefully tucks white strands behind a pale ear. He says his _I love you(s)_ for the last time, like someone saying goodbye to their fondest and most beloved memory, before rising and meeting the gaze of the Uchiha head on.

  
In this lifetime, peace does not exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was ACTUALLY studying for a while and then somehow rediscovered tenipuri, got sad at the alarming lack of shiraishi x fuji fics, and then got re-dragged to MadaTobi hell
> 
> that's it. that's exactly what happened before i found myself writing fanfiction because some of the fics here are so angsty and it made my heart hurt and my big brain was like, hey why dont you write MORE of those angsty fics??? and i was like hell yeah!!

**Author's Note:**

> *shakes stick at Madara* apologise u bastard


End file.
